Something shocking

 I'M convinced, although I have no proof whatsoever for actually thinking this, that I am not the only person who absolutely detests those automatic hand dryer things you get in the toilets of busy places like hotels and shopping centres.

For a start I know they are supposed to be environmentally friendly and all that, but to be honest I’ve always been a little bit afraid of them.

After all, they are ELECTRIC hand dryers, and I recall being told time and time again when I was growing up that water and electricity were not a great combination to try to mix.

In fact one teacher I had, I think maybe in second or third class seemed very intent on getting the message across and had us draw pictures time and time again of people getting electrocuted switching on lights and other electrical stuff with wet hands.

I used to love drawing those pictures with the big lightning zaps coming out of them.

But I always struggled when he would tell me that the picture was good, but now I needed a good slogan to go with it.

I was in second class, I didn’t know what ‘slogan’ meant so I just stared at him blankly as if I’d just been zapped in the head by 10,000 volts after switching on the lights with wet hands.

Eventually he would explain and I would come up with something ingenious like ‘don’t switch on electrical stuff if your hands are wet.’

I’m guessing that in those formative years I’d not yet learned to appreciate the humour of Tommy Cooper or the Two Ronnies. 

Nor had I any of the caffeine side effects that might nowadays prompt me to more likely come up with something like “If you don’t want to fry, make sure you’re hands are dry.” 

Anyway, all these lightning zapping flashbacks often come back to me when I’m confronted with one of these so-called hand dryers and I picture myself putting my hands under them to get the shock of my life.

Not that I have to worry on that front usually though, because apparently these things are put in to help us save the planet and I can only guess that includes never actually hooking them up to a power supply.

Now let me first clarify here that I’m talking about those automatic dryers, you know the ones that are supposed to know you have put your wet hands underneath them and turn themselves on and off.

There are also of course the hit the button type, which - considering they involve turning on an electrical appliance with wet hands - I’m not that fussed about either.

The thing is though, they usually work. And if they don’t come on when you push the button, then you know it is probably broken. 

The automatic ones however are a different story. You see you are never quite sure if they are working or not. 

You put your hands under them. Nothing. 

You start to rub your hands together. Nothing. 

You put your hands closer to where you expect the warm air to come from. Nothing. 

You are getting mad now so you risk your life and actually touch the wire grid thingy where the warm air is supposed to come from…nothing. 

You look around to see if nobody is looking (that’s never the case though because there is always a queue at those damn things)…you dry your hands on the legs of your trousers. 

The alternatives however can provide a real dilemma.

You see on the one hand, you could decide not to wash your hands (apparently some people do this I’ve been told) but then you risk spreading germs and disease and infection and, well, you or others might die as a result.

On the other hand you might wash your hands and then find that you can’t get them dry because the damn dryer thingy isn’t working so you resolve next time not to wash them and that could mean you risk spreading spreading germs and disease and infection and, well you or others might die as a result.

Or, you could always do what I do - try to buy trousers that have legs that are reasonably good at absorbing water!