My News...

Today is Friday. It is a snowy day. There is ice and fog too. All the schools are closed today. Well, maybe ski schools are open. There are no ski schools near where I live. All the other schools are closed. That would be great except I don’t go to school.

And in other news…

Reports ‘unconfirmed’ say Gardai

Gardai have described as ‘unconfirmed’ reports that two side roads in Donegal were ah, were ah...  salted last night.

A Garda spokesman said they were unable to confirm the reports that were circulating locally of the, ah, salt on the roads.

However sources have indicated that an investigation was conducted today after council officials were informed of the incident.

That investigation is understood to have shown that this was something that had spilled over from one of the major routes and as a result the council was prepared this time, to ‘let it slide.’

On the up side

The cold weather might be causing inconvenience but there are plans to use it to Donegal’s advantage by officials hoping to pitch the county as an ideal filming location for television and movies. An early plan is believed to have been formulated to have an episode of ‘Inspector Morse’ filmed in Donegal when the thaw came to the county. However that plan was shelved when it was learned that John Thaw had died in 2002. Incidentally the location for that episode could well have been Ra…meltin! That’s all irrelevant cos they are hoping now to film ‘A Touch of Frost,’ instead.

 

Shocking discovery

The people of Raphoe have been left reeling in shock this week after aerial photos of the snow-covered countryside appear to prove that the town’s Diamond is not a Diamond at all, but actually a triangle. Locals hope that the snow will stay as long as possible now so word of this discovery does not get out.

“We’re not going to let anybody take away our precious diamond and exchange it for a triangle. I mean a bloody triangle – who could ever see the point in them?” a spokesperson said.

Loose chips ahead

Chip vans and shops across the country have been ordered to play their part during the emergency created by the cold weather and change their traditional fare. As a result, from tomorrow anybody who buys a bag of chips will be asked if they want “sand and vinegar” with them?

 

Emergency response

The government has said that not only will all schools now be closed until next Thursday as a result of the cold weather, but also all politicians are being recalled to specially convened Dail sessions. Scientists believe that these sessions may well create enough hot air to spark an immediate thaw.

 

And finally…

In the tradition of the best news episodes we end with something light –

Mmmm, let me see now, umm, okay, I got it - A bulb!