Hot on the heels of the an interview with Chris Mystery, this blog has at no expense whatsoever, dreamt up a reason for coming up with an interview with one of the most famous Christmas characters of them all – Rudolph the red nosed reindeer.
Yes folks, in an exclusive interview for ‘A Drop of Porter,’ Rudolph has confirmed that he not only is from Donegal, but that also many of Santa’s reindeer have in fact, strong connections with the county and the Inishowen peninsula in particular.
“Well duh, it wouldn’t take a rocket scientist to work out that a peninsula with places called ‘Isle of Doe’ and ‘Fawn’ would have strong reindeer connections now would it,” he said.
Oh yes, I can also reveal that unfortunately despite all the songs and the nice wee cards and things, Rudolph is a little bit of a pompous assh**e and it would appear as if the fame has gone to his head.
If you don’t believe me about the fame thing, try reciting the names of all of Santa’s other reindeer in your head right now.
It should take you no longer than six seconds unless like me you had to use Google because you could remember four of them but not all eight.
And don’t forget these are the reindeer who pull Santa’s sleigh every Christmas eve that isn’t foggy – and that by the way is most of them.
You know, I don’t normally think of myself as spiteful, but if I was left to do all the work most of the time, yet somebody else continued to be getting all the plaudits and the rewards for it, I might have a few names I’d like to call him too.
And that’s doubly true when you consider these other deer had to undergo years of meticulous training and hundreds of flying lessons, but as soon as there is a little fog, Santa turns to this guy, who it now turns out is ‘elf-taught’ to lead his team.
“Yep, I’m the leader of the pack now,” says Rudolph, adding that as leader he gets to choose the music for the journey any Christmas Eve he goes, and usually kicks it off with that one just to rub it in.
However it would seem as if most of the brightness he has is in his nose and not in his head, because we all know that a pack is not the collective noun for a group of reindeer.
The answer to that of course is (less than six seconds again folks unless you need google!) a herd (at least that’s what I think…although there are possible a few others).
Asked what he does for the rest of the year and indeed on the many Christmas eves when he isn’t needed to guide Santa’s sleigh, Rudolph explains that he keeps busy with celebrity appearances.
Speaking through an interpreter (I don’t speak deer), he says: “I’m a celebrity now, the most famous reindeer of all so I’m always in demand for things like stag parties and what not.”
Before we get through the interview however, we are interrupted by a big female deer who apparently is Comet’s girlfriend and who is not afraid to hold back on what she thinks about Rudolph being interviewed and getting even more of the limelight.
The deer’s name is Olive and right then the famous song became much clearer and took on an entirely different meaning for me… “Olive the other reindeer, used to laugh and call him names.”
She told me a few home truths about the lazy shiny-nosed boy and politely asked if I would stop the interview with ‘Olph.’
After what I heard, I decided that would be a good idea, then I remembered what she’d called him.
“Olph,” I said, “Why did you just call him Olph?”
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