Diary of a government Minister

The country is in crisis because of snow and ice, but that doesn’t mean that some of the country’s Ministers are ignoring the problem as our access to their diary shows…

Minister for Transport

I can’t believe that there are people who have the bloody cheek to say I was badly prepared for this freakishly cold weather.

I mean for **** sake, how far from the truth could that be?

I’ll show you how well prepared I was…

Tickets to the sunshine in Malta – check

Swimming trunks – check

Suntan lotion – check

Spending money courtesy of the Irish taxpayer – big cheque!

Minister for Education

Hmmm, it’s been brought to my attention that there’s a school of thought out there that says I’m an indecisive Minister.

Well, I know what I’m going to do with that school – I’ll close it down.

Or… maybe I won’t.

I know, I know, I’ll close down all the rest of them.

Yes that’s what I’ll do.

I’ll close the lot of them down. Well, til Thursday anyway.

Well, on second thoughts, maybe I shouldn’t do that either.

Aha, I know, I should let them decide themselves if they are going to close.

Yes that’s that what I’ll do.

Then nobody can blame me cos I’ll have decided that they can decide.

Hmmph, and to think some people would say that I’m indecisive.

Minister for Defence

Lovely, I always knew that at the hour of greatest need our army would show its true grit. Three or four tonnes of it scattered around Leitrim alone.

Minister for the Environment

Ah sure isn’t the country looking lovely all covered in snow. It covers all the illegal dumps and everything. Let’s keep it for another few weeks.

Can we huh? Can we? Huh? Huh? Huh?

Minister for Arts Sports and Tourism

Effin snow. All the horse racing has been cancelled.

Minister for Health

Ah shite. Casualty departments all over the country are over-run with stupid feckers who fell and broke their legs and stuff. At least it’s not my fault this time, who the hell was supposed to be clearing the ice off the footpaths anyway? In America they clear the ice off the footpaths. I think we need to examine the way they do it in America, and we need to send me over on another junket, I mean fact-finding mission. What weekend is the Superbowl final again???

Taoiseach

Could have been worse I suppose. I could be Peter Robinson.