A selection of letters to Santa

Dear Santa,

I know I am not really supposed to be asking for one big thing any more at my age, but I was just wondering if there would be any chance at all for me to get an overall majority come the end of March? Please!

Yours beggingly, Brian C

P.S. – I was going to leave you out a wee tipple but then sure I remembered I have no radio interviews on Christmas morning so it’s all mine. But if I’m on medication for a cold then I won’t touch it. Honest.

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Dear Santy,

What can I say to you but this, I heard youse are all worried about this oul global warming and shtuff and all the polar caps melting and all that. Well shure I was just wondering if you’d consider bringing the whole plant and moving it all to Kerry. And if you could get one of my youngshters on the board, sure aren’t we the very people who know all about the caps! And you never know begod I might even be able to get you an oul grant for setting up. It was just a thought because I have me own personal Santy here anyways until March. Maybe if you want to bring me something, sure you could bring me the balance of power again for next time. There’s more potholes to be filled you know.

Jackie

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Dear Santa,

Just a wee note to ask you to come ahead to Ireland on December 24^th as we had agreed in our previous meetings. I had indicated to the people of Ireland that there was no need for you to be coming this year and we had enough toys to do us til the summer at least, but sure we both knew that was just stalling for time to ensure you got all the orders in from across Europe. By the way when you are coming, any chance you could bring me a new calculator or at least batteries for my old one? Seems like my own is busted cos I’ve been getting all my sums wrong all year.

Cheers, Brian L

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Santa baby,

(See how I opened the letter in a really cool way, that shows I have charisma doesn’t it, huh, huh, doesn’t it, huh!)

This year I’d like for you to make me the boss, even if it means I have to borrow your mode of transport so I can slay Fianna Fail at the polls.

(Omigod, did you get that funny there, I totally do have a sense of humour and great personality too, don’t I huh, huh, don’t I huh!)

Thank you

Enda

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DEAR SANTA,

THIS YEAR I WOULD LIKE SOMETHING TO IMPROVE MY VOICE. IF YOU HAVE ONE OF THOSE SQUEAKY THINGS YOU PUT IN TOYS LYING AROUND YOUR WORKSHOP THAT WOULD DO THE TRICK.

THANKS FROM JOAN

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Dear Santa,

You probably heard that I’m getting out of this politics game in the new year after which I might just lie around and get…, well I might just lie around and relax for a while.

All I’d really want from you is to make sure I don’t get sick, or at least if I do that it’s not when I’m in Ireland. Could you imagine any of the poor sods who have to put up with the system we have here!

Oh yeah, a couple of tickets for the Superbowl would be cool too.

Yours sincerely, Mary H

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Daidí Na Nollaig, Mo Chara

Santa, my friend,

I was wondering if there was any chance at all you could bring me a pair of dark sunglasses. I have only been a few weeks in this game and the spotlight on me has been fierce altogether.

And no, I don’t already have a pair.

Pearse

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Santa,

F**K your sleigh and reindeer, I’ve a horse outside!

Rubberbandit.

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