‘Twas the Month Before Christmas

‘Twas the month before Christmas, and all through the land,

The Taoiseach on tv said, “sure everything’s grand;”

We have enough cash in the pot til next summer,

We don’t need any help that would be a bummer.

But the people just still couldn’t sleep in their beds,

As visions of bankers danced all round their heads;

Yet Brian and his cohorts settled down for a nap,

Thinking it was still grand to spin out the same crap;

But out there in Brussels there arose such a din,

“It’s time now said Europe to reel those boys in.”

“If they feck up our euro it’ll be a disaster,

we’d better go show them just who is the master.”

So the talks they began, but were kept under wraps

And our Ministers continued to say ‘no collapse.’

So night after night on such shows as the news,

Ministers came out and they tried to confuse.

On Frontline, on Primetime, on Six One and more

There’s no bail out they said, sometimes starting to roar;

We might need a loan, but sure that’s not the same,

So please don’t say ‘bail out’ and use the right name.

And of course we said might, doesn’t mean that we do,

We’re just planning ahead, they said in their spew;

And the ordinary people, afraid and bemused

Watch from their homes bewildered, confused;

Then what to their wondering eyes should appear,

But the EU Commissioner – old Olli Rehn, dear;

“He’s just here for a chat, we don’t need his oul help,”

The boys spun the same line again with a yelp;

But over in Brussels, they had hatched up a scheme,

And to a man they agreed they’d just send their own team;

So in business attire from his head to his foot,

Came the IMF chap with his sack full of loot;

A bundle of orders he flung from his sack

And said ‘I’m now in charge, youse boys all stand back,’

“The Germans and French want this crisis to quell,

Oh and remember the British? You have them back as well!”

And still on tv our leaders were brazen

“No we are not ashamed, we don’t have a reason;”

“And sure haven’t we said all along we’ve a plan,

it’s to hang on in power as long as we can.”

“There’s great pay and expenses and lovely big cars,

free flights and late nights and booze and cigars.”

“We make hard decisions, sure aren’t we great men,

and the people, well surely they all won’t mind payin’”

“They can pay and can pay and can pay on for years,

what odds if it causes some hardship and tears?”

“We’re all off to the airport to open the gate,

we’ll sit back and relax and leave all to its fate”

Then we heard them exclaim as they drove out of sight,

Happy Christmas to all – we’re still not contrite!